


Eddie Kaspbrak Married His Mom

by LimaBeanie



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Getting Together, M/M, Stanley Uris Lives, mentioned anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25857820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LimaBeanie/pseuds/LimaBeanie
Summary: Richie comes out to The Losers Club and Stan wins $5. Eddie is not amused.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, mentioned Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	Eddie Kaspbrak Married His Mom

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling hilarious when I wrote this and it’s probably not gonna be nearly as funny to everyone else as it is to me, but fuck it I’m posting this anyway 😂
> 
> So warning it’s implied briefly that Eddie’s “asthma attacks” were really just panic attacks and Richie considers, albeit not too seriously, buying an asthma pump to cope with his anxiety.

It had been a couple months since Derry and the Losers were now currently in Bill’s living room, just catching up over some drinks. It was the first time that all of them were together without the significant others present since they defeated IT for good, so in the middle of the Losers making fun of Eddie for basically marrying his mom, and Eddie refusing to see any resemblance, Richie decided to come out with a self-deprecating, “Well at least you’re not a closeted D-List comedian living off someone else’s girlfriend jokes.”

“Pay up bitch.” Stan says with a smug grin on his face and expectantly holds a hand out to Bill, and interrupting Richie’s incoming rambles. “Two months ago you didn’t even remember me. How do you still remember a stupid bet that we made almost thirty years ago?” Bill groans, digging into the pockets of his jeans to find his wallet. “I’m your accountant Bill. I take your debts very seriously.”

“What is going on here?” Beverly asks as Bill pulls out a crisp Five Dollar Bill and hands it to Stan, obviously a little annoyed that they were interrupting Richie.

“Keep the change.” Bill says to Stan, before turning to the rest of the Losers, who were now giving the two of them pointed looks, waiting for an explanation. “Stan and I kinda made a bet when we were kids which I just lost.” Bill explains. “No shit. What did you bet on exactly?” Eddie asks, rolling his eyes. “On whether or not Richie had a crush on Eddie. Stan said that he did but I was apparently fooled by all the dick jokes.”

“The Fuck?!” Eddie yells, flabbergasted.  
  


“Okay, so the two of you made a bet. On my sexuality. For less than five bucks.” Richie clarifies, his eyes wide and heart pounding.

“Well, when you put it like that, we sound like assholes.” Stan says sheepishly. “To be fair it was the 80s, five bucks was like 500 bucks back then.” Bill says earning him an eye roll. “You guys are such fucking assholes.” Richie says but his following laugh took the heat out of it. 

“Wait a minute. At what point did we establish that Richie had a crush on me?” Eddie says, looking like he’s moments away from rushing to the nearest pharmacy for a new asthma pump. _Oh_. Richie kinda forgot that he was still here. Maybe he should be the one to get a new asthma pump. Asthma and Anxiety are basically the same thing, if Eddie’s childhood was any indication. “Where have you been this entire time?” Stan asks Eddie patronisingly, as if it should be obvious to Eddie that Richie saying that he likes guys, is just code for Richie liking just one guy in particular. “Just because Richie is gay or whatever doesn’t automatically mean that he had a thing for me when we were kids. Open your fucking mind Stan.” Eddie rants, no longer looking like he’s on the verge of a panic attack, as he embraces righteous anger instead.

Beverly, who had been quiet this entire time, chooses that moment to wrap Eddie up in her arms, and lay his head an her chest to stroke his hair as if she was calming an angry kitten. “Oh sweetie.” She coos. 

“Fuck off.” Eddie says escaping her embrace, making Mike and Ben snicker.

“Actually...” Richie starts off sheepishly and Eddie’s jaw drops. “What was all that bullshit about fucking my mom then?!”

“Eds...” Richie starts off in his ‘serious as cancer’ voice. “You do know that I never actually wanted to fuck your mom right?” And it’s not his words, but the look on Richie’s face - a look that shows just how worried he is that someone might actually believe that he ever had a thing for Sonia Kaspbrak - that makes Bill, Mike, and Stan burst out laughing. Beverly has her arms around Eddie again and telling a snickering Ben how precious Eddie is.

“Fuck you assholes!” Eddie grumbles his face red, escaping Beverly’s arms again before turning to back to Richie. “Of course I didn’t believe any of that shit but...” Eddie trails off frustrated, his anger now directed at Richie and everyone has now gone silent. This whole thing is suddenly less funny as Eddie gets out of his seat and pulls out his phone before storming off, fuming. Eddie doesn’t get far before Richie stops him by grabbing his arm.

“Eddie. Don’t go. Please.” Richie begs, his heart breaking. Eddie forcefully removes his arm from his best friend’s grip and turns back to glare at him. “How can I stay in the same room as you after all that?! I find out that you’ve loved me back all this time and just didn’t think to tell me for thirty fucking years???! I married my fucking _mom_ Richie!!” Eddie yells, turning back around to leave the room and missing Richie light up like a Christmas tree.

As soon as Richie snaps out of his daze, he practically pounces on Eddie and wraps his arms around the shorter male, hugging him from behind. “Spaghetti! My darling! Light of my life! The Second Kaspbrak I’ve ever loved! Who are you calling? Put down your phone and tell me you love me again!” Richie places multiple kisses to the back and sides of Eddie’s head between sentences, sounding brighter than he’s ever been in his entire life. “A lawyer! Who the fuck else would I be calling right now?! Let go of me Trashmouth! And you heard me the first time, fuck you if you think that you’re hearing those words from me ever again!” It would be easier to take Eddie seriously if he wasn’t so obviously trying desperately to hold back a pleased grin at all the affection. “Anytime Spaghetti baby.” Richie says lecherously at the accidental innuendo, trailing after Eddie like the lovesick puppy that he has been for decades. “Beep fucking Beep Chie!”

“They’re going to be even worse now aren’t they?” Ben groans, as Richie and Eddie’s voices trail off the further away from the living room they get. “Do you even have to ask?” Bev says looking equally as resigned to the insufferable fate. “That’s rich coming from you January Embers.” Stan mutters not so quietly, making Bill snort trying to hold back his sudden burst of laughter. “What was that Stan?”

“Nothing Beverly.”

“That’s what I thought.” 

“But seriously when are you two getting together?” Mike asks, looking pointedly between Ben and Bev, and how closely they were seated together on the loveseat. “Mike, I’m still married.” Bev says shocked at Mike’s bluntness. “You’re separated. And you two have been eyeing each other when the other isn’t looking for hours now.” Mike says making Bill and Stan Snicker while taking sips of their drinks. “Mike, _you’re_ single. Shouldn’t you be focusing on your own love life?” Ben tries to divert the attention away from him and Bev, but Mike is quick with a response. “Daddy doesn’t eat till all his children get fed.” Mike states simply with a little smirk, and it’s immediately followed by peels of laughter from everyone. 

“Did he really just call himself Daddy?!”

“I can’t believe you just said that!”

“That was the cringiest thing I’ve ever heard!”

“No wonder he’s still single!”

“Rich! Eds! Come listen to the shit Mike just said!” Stan shouts, calling for them while laughing. “S s say it again, Mikey! Rich you’re g g gonna love this!” Bill’s stutter making an appearance while trying to talk through his laughter. “Don’t forget the face! That was the best part!” Beverly pitches just as Richie is pulling Eddie back into the room the hand. The two of them already ready to give Mike shit as well, if the anticipation on the faces was any indication. “I fucking hate all you Losers.”

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t believe how self-indulgent that was. 😂  
> Feel free to point out any mistakes.
> 
> Comment, Kudos, share and all that good stuff.


End file.
